finding mozart

Smoke all around me,Smoke from the mouth of made up women in pretty dancers legs ,it drifted up around there headdresses and multicoloured feathers .And then there was smoke from a real machine blowing all around my throne that i sat on because; i was the queen.Ruling the crowds ,coming across on the screen as the Queen of Mean, strong and fearless,when inside me there was nothing but smoke and had you bent me and pressed my body out of my huge dress nothing but bleak smoke would have come out; je ne veux pas travailler ,je veux fumer.But no.not even that.No poets no music no No,just schhhhmoke....And then i heard it ,it was the same compilation of chords as in the magic flute.I sat and waited for the director of the musicvideoclip to boom at me in Liam Neeson's voice again but in my head i was actually sitting beside my friend Daphne and i was 13 years of age doing my first part as a Queen.But i was'nt singing right then.Three girls were singing the part of three boys ,the chords soothing my ears ,my imagination.She walked into the livingroom joinging us kids:Ingeborg Bachmann a writer friend from Austria ,a bosom friend of Daphnes mother.Smoking ,smoking looking sad.Why was she sad i asked Daphne when she got up from the piano to drink some tea.Oh Daphne said,she's in love with a composer and he loves her too but he's gay.That seemed weird to me at the time.I could worship Mozarts music i could worship the thought of the object of my passions but they had to exist to become mine at some stage.Was i pragmatic?I hear the chords again now in a newly written song :they are mine in my memory in my head and body and soul and life and even in space now ,but what about the objects of my passions .All smoke?