interpretation

Just thinking :Louise Bourgeois calls the giant spider that stood for months on the bottom floor of the Tate Modern in London "maman".Some children looked down from the first floor and shouted "cool" .They liked it ,but was it meant to be liked?Did Ms Bourgeois see her mother as a giant stinging multilegged and possibly venimous overpowering creature or as a bigbodied ,hairy shelter that could wrap its paws around her.I would go for the first idea,but then again ,who knows. We are equally intrigued.Rostropovitch the great cellist and conductor who died quite recently never demonstrated anything to his pupils on the cello.He just told them,as he told me when i sang for him"i can hear what you are thinking".He demanded from the musicians he worked with that they put the ’right"thoughts into their playing before even starting their piece.I tend to ask the same from people that i coach ,but what am i asking for ,what was he asking for?I could easily say that in my life i have always been surrounded with people who "lived’ off their emotions and were in constant contact with their feelings ,digging deeper and deeper if they were not suffering enough or bringing their joys up to the same level as their pain in order to be able to give structure to the shapeless stream and turn it into -art.In my father’s case: he managed the unbearable rupture in his life of the murder of his family in the camps during worldwar two only by, in one way, giving into it and then another way organising his pain which enabled him to write his great poems .Being friends with men and women who never think or talk of "taking a step back" or "commitment"because that would damage their involvement in their art ,which after all is their life, puts me in my place outside society .I can analyse it all,describe it in a novel or a story while grinding my teeth in irritation about the shallow characters ,but i cannot use it in my singing.How could i ,how could anybody be honest to his art without letting the subconcious shit out.Il faut payer de sa personne ,you have to pay with yourself Edith Piaf said.I i think she was right.