pain and puzzles

Its the colour of the night that should soothe my pain:black.Im in pain and thinking of my favoutire fairytale by hans Chritian Andersen "aunt toothache" does not help.How well he decsribes the demons and torturers that dance in her mouth and head all night.Andersen is,like all good fairytaletellers-what a word- extremely good at the cruel and realistic sides of life.That’s it :im thinking of the inexplicable puzzle of people.People with the best of intentions building villages in the "third world"helping other people.But are they really helping?My pain is getting intenser but more general now that i’ve found a subject of utter misery...Third world ,don’t like the term ,do the people out there manage to live in a third dimension which makes them forget they’re sick and poor and their lives are rated as third worldly.The pain is travelling around my body and becoming sort of a familiar companion now .Hello!I am not having a fever and lucidity is taking a break while my mind wanders from africa to brazil and back to coming st patricksday when im going dancing to get rid of all thoughts.There’ is a thin musical line of a flute playing in my head ,ode a l’apres-midi d’un faune,nijinski the great russian dancer danced it.I saw some footage ,how vulnerable he looked,strong and fragile in his movements,a tragic face.Constructive about the third world and dont forget pollution problems, that’s it you want to be constructive.But You sit down on the floor and join the pieces together of the entire puzzle of the third world while it’s warm in your room and you drink tea and listen to Bach and you realise its entirely impossible to solve this problem .There is no balance .I’m hugging my pain as if it was real in eternity ,although i know that it will be gone tomorrow when the ’thirdworlders" are outthere trying to hang on to,what?