matter of the mind and maybe the heart

Could i have shared the admiration for Napoleon that Heinrich Heine and Stendhal had?Their emotional abandon when it came to admire Napoleon led them to write great poems and even follow the Great Soldier around as far as Russia.Much as i like to schlepp these great writers books around the globe with me and live in admiration for their (un)wise words on the page ,they live on in my mind and a bit in my heart too i'd say,but admiration for a public figure?I've never done it.I sat in bed yesterday resting my voice for an exciting singing gig tomorrow,rereading Tolstoys nearly sensual descriptions of the Russians battles against Napoleon in War and Peace.Don't think anybody has ever supassed his magnificent descriptions of these grim battles.What do i know anyay, i needed expert advice while working on my new novel ,about arms and how to properly shoot a person. I can only admire the poor sod who followed Napoleon sitting comfortably on his horse Meringo to Russia and the big snows,while leaving his heart behind ,kept in a jar in a cupboard in Venice by his webfooted mistress.This is all described in "a passion" by j Wintertone ,again a brilliant tale of what blind admiration leads to.The soldier survives and goes back to venice to have loads of webfooted kiddies with the mistress.What's all that got to do with admiration.Heine ,Stendhal the miserable soldier and many others poured their full hearts contents into the admiration they felt for the rider of Meringo.See that's how i visualise him, a small man on a great horse posing as the king of the world, definitly the world's biggest chancer at the time.I'm taking my tricorn off for him ,just to slam it even harder back on my head again:i need shelter from the rain and the wind in this country.But what about my lack of heart for the matters of admiration ?Have i been riding my imagined Horse for all these years ,without an army to follow me or a couple of countries to rule?No ,i don't want to rule either .Except on stage where i will sing my heart out until it's empty and ready to be fuelled with the love and admiration of my public.Can I leave now?Steady speed into space?